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  • The “Yes And” Rule | Nerd Fitness

    The “Yes And” Rule | Nerd Fitness


    A few years back, I attended my friend Nick’s blowout 40th birthday party.

    As part of the celebration, he hired an improv comic, and we all had to participate in learning improv comedy.

    (I just felt the collective shiver of all the introverts reading this newsletter).

    We started tossing out fun scenarios and scenes to participate in, and we learned about the most important rule of Improv: “Yes and.”

    Two simple words, and the foundation for all of improv comedy:

    Whenever somebody comes up with a scene, sentence, or situation, the ONLY acceptable response is: “yes and”

    • Yes: Acceptance! I accept and acknowledge that whatever the situation is, no matter how absurd, to be true.
    • And: build! Like a tennis match, after your improv partner hits the ball to you, your job is to hit it back! Building on the situation or scene.

    For example, if your improv partner says, “I’m a space pirate” your response could be:

    • “Yes, and I’m the space police, you’re under arrest!”
    • “Yes, and I’m a first mate looking for a new crew, this is perfect!”
    • “Yes, and my name is Captain Hook, welcome to Pirates Anonymous.”

    The “yes and” rule is so crucial, because there’s nothing worse than a bad improv partner!

    Kind of like Liam Neeson in ​this short sketch​ with Ricky Gervais, (I laugh every time):

    The Yes And Rule for Life

    As a former overachieving “gifted child” who has quite the negative inner critic, I’ve worked hard on incorporating “yes and” into my life.

    The “yes” part is built around acceptance, which is something I’ve spent the past two years working to embrace.

    Check out my past essays on ​Acceptance​ and ​Wabi Sabi​ for more.

    It’s the “and” part I’ve focused on lately.

    As Dr. Kristen Neff points out on in her book ​Self-compassion​, life is complex and so are humans:

    “Judgment defines people as bad versus good and tries to capture their essential nature with simplistic labels.

    Discriminating wisdom recognizes complexity and ambiguity.”

    Nothing is ever as simple as it seems. Things are never as good or bad as our brains think they are either.

    So despite the voice in our heads that wants to judge everything in black-or-white, yes-or-no, good-or-bad terms… We must remember that life is a beautifully complicated mess.

    Author F. Scott Fitzgerald once said:

    The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposed ideas in the mind at the same time, and still retain the ability to function.

    One should, for example, be able to see that things are hopeless and yet be determined to make them otherwise.

    This is my task for you today.

    Is there a part of your life that feels black-or-white, and instead could use a bit of complexity?

    Nothing is as simple as it seems.

    Life is hard, and change is hard. AND you’re a good person who’s trying.

    Which means there’s hope. And ​hope is the warrior emotion​.

    Also, please go watch that ​Liam Neeson skit​.

    You’re welcome.

    -Steve

    PS: Need guidance and accountability to reach your fitness goals? Nerd Fitness has helped 10,000+ humans over the last 8 years with 1-on-1 online fitness coaching. ​Click here for more details​.



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  • Growth over Comfort | Nerd Fitness

    Growth over Comfort | Nerd Fitness


    Stephen Wilson Jr. was a scientist working for Mars, Inc. (Yeah, the Candy company).

    One day, his boss pulled him into an office and said something that changed his life:

    “Stephen, you’re about to get promoted.”

    Normally a cause for celebration, this was instead meant as a warning by his boss.

    In a past life, Stephen had been a guitarist in a small indie rock band. He also spent his evenings writing songs.

    His boss knew Stephen was a damn good songwriter, and where he really belonged.

    He told Stephen about the golden handcuffs:

    “You’re in line for a promotion and they’re grooming you for the next level.

    And you’re kind of at a crossroads.

    Because if you take [the promotion], like I took it 30 years ago, your dreams of being a songwriter, they’re gonna be gone. This is going to consume every bit of you.

    Right now you can write songs and do this job, but 6 months from now I’m not sure you’re gonna be able to. So I just want to give you a warning.”

    That tiny voice in Stephen’s head, that had been there for years and years, started to get louder.

    6 weeks later, with that inner voice now at a deafening volume, he put in his 2 weeks notice, which confused everyone (except his boss and his wife).

    He started bartending and waiting tables to make ends meet while honing his craft, trying to get publishing deals in country music…while getting rejected for not writing ​“bro country” songs​:

    He was told, “you write REAL songs. We can’t do nuthin’ with that…”

    Years later, after some modest success writing songs for other musicians, he finally worked up the courage and experience and clout to start recording his own songs.

    And last year, he finally put out his debut album, Son of Dad, which Rolling Stone called one of the best albums of 2023.

    Recently, Stephen put out a ​jaw-dropping cover of Ben E. King’s “Stand By Me,”​ which I have listened to approximately 10,000 times over the past month.

    (Seriously, please watch this video. It’ll give you goosebumps!).

    Golden Handcuffs vs Uncomfortable Expansion

    From 2008-2010, I also lived a dual life.

    I had my day job at Sixthman, helping promote and produce floating music festivals. But I also spent my nights and weekends working on a little website helping nerds get fit.

    My boss April and my mentor Andy (who owned the business) both knew where my heart was; they encouraged me to chase the uncomfortable future of trying to make Nerd Fitness into my career.

    16 years later, we’re still going strong!

    In Oliver Burkeman’s ​Four Thousand Weeks​, he encourages us to ask a specific question when making decisions in life:

    “Where in your life or your work are you currently pursuing comfort, when what’s called for is a little discomfort?”

    Asking ourselves “what would make me happiest” will most likely lead us towards the short term, comfortable, safe option.

    Instead, we should be thinking which path will make us GROW as a person, or which version will cause us to SHRINK each week. We probably, deep down inside, know the answer to the question, if we have the courage to ask it.

    Burkeman’s advice:

    “Choose uncomfortable enlargement over comfortable diminishment whenever you can.”

    Yep, sometimes chasing “uncomfortable enlargement” doesn’t result in a songwriting deal, or a successful business. I’ve chosen the uncomfortable path and sometimes things don’t work out. But that’s part of the process, and at least it removes the potential for unhealthy regret!

    Which brings me to today’s mission.

    Let’s get comfortable with being uncomfortable

    Let’s chase uncomfortable expansion in 2025.

    • When we strength train, we force our muscles to get uncomfortable by lifting heavier and heavier weight – they respond by growing and adapting.
    • If we use food as a coping mechanism when we’re sad or angry or bored, addressing our relationship with food can be uncomfortable.
    • When we have uncomfortable conversations, we can finally deepen our relationships or stand up for the things that are important to us.

    In 2025, let’s ask the question:

    Where in your life are you snugly living in comfort and safety, when deep down you know the path of “uncomfortable enlargement” is what you really need to grow and help you get what you really want?

    You might not need to quit your job immediately, or go all-in on a new goal or change…

    But it could be worth asking yourself that uncomfortable question.

    Life is hard, and change is harder.

    Uncomfortable.

    Scary.

    Messy.

    But if you’re willing to say NO to comfort, it might be exactly what you need.

    -Steve

    PS: ​We’re doing a free 5-day workshop​ for people who are looking to build new habits that actually stick in 2025, it starts in a few days!



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  • What’s different this time? | Nerd Fitness

    What’s different this time? | Nerd Fitness


    Today is the most hope and optimism-filled day of the year.

    That’s great!

    Whatever goals or resolutions you’ve set for yourself, I’m excited for you!

    We’re all trying to better ourselves, and even though things haven’t worked out the way we wanted them to in the past, we hope this time will be different.

    Musician Nick Cave describes hope as “optimism with a broken heart,” and I think that’s beautifully accurate. We’re all trying to be different when change is so damn hard.

    If you’re trying to build a new workout habit or change the number on the scale this year, I salute you. Setting a goal to change is very commendable.

    But to give ourselves the best chance of accomplishing our goal, we must combine the goal with some self-reflection and self-awareness.

    Here are TWO questions to ask yourself as we begin 2025…

    Question 1: What’s different this time?

    I’m proud of you for starting again.

    But what’s different about this attempt?

    If you do what you’ve always done, you’ll get what you’ve always got.

    The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior.

    If you pick the same goal or strategy that you tried (unsuccessfully) in the past, the end result will be the same: another lost year of “why can’t I get my act together?”

    So, be deliberate about what’s different this time!

    Don’t just “go on XYZ diet” or “give up all sugar forever” or “train for a marathon” again, especially if you’ve tried those things before and couldn’t stick with them.

    Something has to be different this time:

    • Make fewer changes.
    • Pick ONE goal and focus on it.
    • Pick a different workout routine.
    • Pick a different diet or nutrition change.
    • Pick a different time of day to work out.
    • Recruit a friend to join you so you’re not doing it alone.
    • Make your new desired behavior ​beneficial or necessary​.

    Prove to yourself you’ve learned something from your past attempts. Don’t let past failures be in vain – they showed you what doesn’t work for you.

    Try something different this time!

    Question 2: What are you afraid of?

    You’re full of momentum right now, and that’s great.

    But three weeks from now, life will happen, and something will go wrong.

    What has been your tendency when this happens in the past?

    We ask every ​NF Coaching Client​ before they start, “What are you most nervous about?”

    That answer is something they’re aware of as a result of their past attempts:

    Are you going to get busy and decide “to take a break until things slow down?” Great! Now you know when that little voice in your head says this, you can prepare for it, plan to do something differently, and decide that you don’t have to listen to that voice in your head.

    Are you going to have one bad day and go totally off the rails? Great! Now you know that when you have one bad day, you can forgive yourself, not look back in anger or guilt, and get right back on track.

    Are you going to give up even though you really really really want to push through? Great! This happens to all of us when motivation wanes after a few weeks. Consider ​adding a Ulysses Pact​ to guard against your weaknesses or making a bet with a friend to keep you accountable.

    NF Coach Matt Myers was recently on the ​Mental Golf Podcast with Josh Nichols​ – and at the 24:30 mark in the episode, Matt pointed out something to Josh that surprised him:

    “You told me before you started, ‘I know I’m going to come out of the gates HARD, but about 3 weeks in, I’m going to burn out and disappear.’

    And I said, ‘Thanks for letting me know,’ and I had all these alarms and alerts ready to check in with you repeatedly around the 21 day mark!”

    Josh had the self-awareness to know where he would screw up in the future, he and Coach Matt planned for it, and got over the hump together.

    Since then, they’ve worked together for two months (and counting), and Josh has only missed a single day of checking in and missing one day didn’t cause Josh’s normal “all-or-nothing” behavior to kick in!

    This time CAN be different

    We all set out to change, and even when we’re self-aware…

    We often bite off more than we can chew:

    Our goals and hopes often exceed the reality that we’re fallible, busy, complicated humans living unpredictable lives.

    That’s okay!

    If we’re aware of these things, if we can try differently…then even if this next attempt doesn’t work either, we can remove that strategy from the list of potential successful paths, and try again.

    That’s all life is anyway: try, fail, adjust, restart.

    -Steve

    PS: If you don’t want to go on this journey alone, I’d be honored if you check out ​the NF Coaching Program​.

    Our coaches are awesome and we’d love to help you reach your goals. We’ve had a TON of sign-ups these past few days, which has me really excited to help so many new people.



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